Moxx’s Birth Story
Moxx’s story starts way before we even knew we were expecting him. After suffering an early pregnancy loss in January 2022 I had no idea when or if I would be ready to welcome another baby in to our family. I was honestly terrified to become pregnant again. Not knowing what another pregnancy would look like for us, if it would turn out okay, & how I would cope if it didn’t. We were in the middle of building a house & under a lot of stress. Honestly I ignored the trauma of losing a baby and didn’t deal with it in a healthy way. I didn’t talk to many people about this at the time, mainly because I was working through my feelings and didn’t want the added stress of also having to deal with others feelings. I pushed the thought of another baby to the side & just continued life-thinking that we would readdress this when we were moved & settled in our new home.
August rolls around & I can literally feel God working on my heart. I had seen a baby blanket that I fell in love with at a local gift shop. I walked away without purchasing it because I didn’t want to open up my heart to another disappointment. But as the days went by I felt a tug to go back and purchase that blanket. So one morning I went in, bought the blanket & begged God to release the fears of my heart. Literally that night we discovered that we were expecting another blessing. Though there were some fears, I KNEW God was going to bring us a healthy baby. This was the beginning of one of our biggest blessings & a beautiful pregnancy journey.
Photos of Moxx in said blanket: A proof of Gods answer to our prayer
Tell people you are preparing for your fourth birth and watch their face.
Throughout my pregnancy I would literally avoid conversation about being birth #4 because I just didn’t want to deal with peoples judgement. They had no idea what our family had went through, and how much of a blessing this was to us. I focused on growing my baby and mentally preparing for another labor/birth.
I’m not sure how many times I was asked “oh so you’re going to be your own midwife”. Nope. I know the importance of having a skilled & trained midwife by my side. I wanted to enjoy my birth experience and not have to worry about any of the “medical” side of things. We once again hired the amazing Midwife Tanashia Huff, LM, CPM for our home birth-someone I fully trust to keep both me and my baby safe.
The first half of my pregnancy was actually quite miserable. I was the sickest I had ever been. Trying to cope with this & take care of 3 other kids while also running a very busy midwifery practice definitely took its toll on me. Thank God for an amazing husband who stepped in and handled so much. Allowing me to rest and recover as needed.
The second part of my pregnancy was much better. That time was spent focusing on growing a healthy baby & mentally preparing for birth. My other babies were quite small at birth-Sawyer being just 5lbs 10oz. I knew this was a direct relation to having a “wimpy” placenta and not giving her enough nutrients to grow good & strong. I really keyed in to my diet & made sure I was eating enough protein to support myself and baby (brewers diet). At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes (I was also gestational diabetic with EG), but I was able to very easily control my sugars with my diet. This was something myself and my midwife were both comfortable with as long as I continued to monitor throughout pregnancy.
One of my biggest goals for this birth/pregnancy was to be very prepared both mentally & physically. All three of my previous births were epidural free-but there’s always work that has to be done prenatally to help prepare for that. I once again took Mama's Friend Birth Services birth classes to help prepare myself. There’s always something to learn about pregnancy/birth-even if you’re a birth worker. I knew I wanted to include my kids in this birthing experience so we prepared them by watching birth videos & reading about birth. We prepared my birth space in our room so that our kids could come and go as they needed to. They helped me set up the birthing pool & lights around 37 weeks. This was such a fun time for us as we discussed birth & how we would welcome our baby right in that very spot (God willing). I prayed & reflected. Spent time envisioning the birth I wanted & spent time in the space we had prepared for birth.
The last few weeks of pregnancy were difficult & beautiful at the same time. We lost a very special piece to our family. A loss that no one saw coming & someone who played such a huge role in our kids lives. “Big Pa” (Justin’s dad) was always so excited to spend time with his grandchildren and absolutely loved our babies. His passing was tremendously hard, but also gave me such a perspective on life. It’s short & each moment is so very important. Time with your family is never wasted. As we prepared to welcome this baby I knew he/she was going to help heal this hurt, because that’s what Jacky would have wanted. So through grief & anticipation I prepared & prayed for a calm and peaceful welcoming of this wonderful blessing.
It can be so hard as a midwife when it comes to our own birth. Though I know we were made for this-it’s a part of creation & so perfectly designed…there’s always the small amount of fear present. Being a part of hundreds of women’s births I had to remind myself that situations are unique-and this was my birth story. My birth wasn’t other births I had witnessed
I prayed specifically for a
-peaceful environment
-calmness & control during labor
-for there to be absolutely no fear present
-a birth that was fast-but not too fast because this can be traumatizing as your mind doesn’t have time to catch on to what’s going on.
-for my entire birth team to make to to my house in time
-minimal bleeding after birth
The weeks leading up to my birth I had experienced a lot of contractions. This wasn’t something I normally experienced in births before, but I knew my body was preparing to meet my baby. I also knew because of all of preparing that my body was doing that I was likely going to have a very fast labor. All of my previous labors had been under 5 hours-so I was preparing for this. Knowing that my midwife lived almost 2 hours away I was very much on alert & aware with what was going on with my body.
The morning of May 9th (40.2 weeks pregnant) I woke up feeling very rested, but also I felt the need to be very sheltered this day. I had a day full of clients to see at the office & honestly I didn’t feel like seeing or talking to anyone. I chalked it up to being overdue (and not wanting to be questioned about “how are you feeling, when are you going to have this baby, etc”). I text my wonderful student midwife Kendra and told her how I was feeling. We agreed to keep the day as planned, and she would run the prenatal visits that day. I went in to the office to be near if she needed me, but mainly sat in the office next door chatting with Beth our wonderful lactation consultant) and avoiding most conversations with others that day
Around lunch that day I was standing in the office and all the sudden became very weak, dizzy & nauseated. I had to sit down as I felt like I was about to pass out. I blamed this on my sugar possibly being low and quickly had some food and things seemed to mostly resolve. We finished up our day and I started my way home. I had a similar episode twice more & wasn’t quite sure what was going on. I told Justin I was going home to get in bed. Around 3:15pm I laid down for a nap. He picked the kids up from school and they arrived home. They all went outside to play and allowed me to rest more. Around 4:45pm I woke up and felt much better. Justin was outside building a chicken coop so I decided to go out and sit with him. We weren’t outside long before I felt a very obvious shift. Around 5:05pm I told Justin that something felt different and I felt like we needed to go inside and start feeding the kids dinner & possibly preparing for a baby later that night.
I called my doula/friend Angela & told her that what I experienced earlier in the day may have been a hormonal rush and that I had just had my 3rd contraction 5 minutes apart. She told me to keep her informed. We let my birth photographer Hannah know she should probably be heading our way. We also called my midwife around 5:15pm to let her know what was going on and thank God she made the decision to start heading our way.
I remember moving around the house, breathing through contractions, getting in the shower with my girls & preparing all of the kids that baby was going to be born soon. Very quickly things intensified and I retreated to my bedroom. Justin was keeping my doulas updated and told them to head on over & we also called my step mom down to help set everything up because things were moving very rapidly. We sent a text to our midwife to let her know things were picking up quickly. My student midwife/doula arrived to help me work through contractions. My step mom and sister arrived to help Justin set up the pool and help with the kids. So many people stepped in to prepare and I was able to just work through each wave & get in to a good mental space to welcome our sweet baby who was in a hurry to meet us.
My time in labor was a blur-as it often is. I’ve heard the term “pain free childbirth” and I will tell you….I never truly believed it was a thing. I always chalked it up to moms who were just “quite” during labor. I didn’t specifically pray for a pain free birth, but I did pray for calmness & control. Especially because my kids were going to be present.
When it was time I remember people arriving and entering the room. I moved between our bedroom and bathroom. Sawyer & EG stayed by my side most of the labor and Greyson moved in & out of the room. I remember looking at Angela (my doula) at one point and asking what time is was. It was somewhere around 6:45pm and I remember saying “I know I prayed for at least a 4 hour labor but I take it back. Jesus knows best). I’m thinking this is the time I probably entered deep active labor.
I remember seeing Kendra setting up the birth supplies from our midwifery bag because she wasn’t sure if my midwife would make it. Justin was in and out checking the birth pool and dealing with the kids. My body was telling me to get in the pool. I remember looking at Kendra and asking was it okay to go ahead and get in-I thought it was still too early, but she encouraged me that it was okay to get in.
I remember Tanashia entering the room and a sense of relief came over me (and Justin too). Pretty soon after my water broke and my body started bearing down. I was so very confused because I just knew it wasn’t time yet. I remember saying “no this has been to easy” but nonetheless I followed my body. My kids and husband surrounded me and soon after our baby was born in to my arms.
I remember pulling my baby up, so peacefully & with so much relief. Baby was here & safe. So many answers to our prayers. My kids were asking what baby was and I definitely took my time thanking God and enjoying my baby before looking and announcing to the room that our baby was a perfect baby BOY. So much joy filled the room. I had experienced what I would consider a pain free birth. It was intense, but so very manageable. Never once did I feel intense pain or like I couldn’t do it.
Over the next few hours we recovered as a family of 6. We snuggled, laughed & soaked up every moment with our sweet new addition. Everyone had their turn doing skin to skin & loving on sweet baby Moxx. He was perfect in every way. He weighed in at 8lbs 8oz and I was so proud of my body for growing a healthy boy.
My birth team hung out for a few hours with us, my mom came to meet Moxx and see the kids. My wonderful photographer Hannah was able to document this whole occasion for us and I’m forever grateful. This time was so special to me & I’m so thankful for everyone who played a role in it. Justin got the kids settled in their beds, our birth team left & we got in bed to snuggle our new baby. I was so thankful that God brought us this perfect baby boy, and that we were once again able to experience the lovingness and peacefulness of another home birth.
